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| It's already the fifth week of the schoolyear. Vacation is only this week and the next away.
I'm beginning to feel slightly freaked out now.. Lets see what I still have to get done.
-My four "day-out's" for Sound; got 3 out of four planned, still need one more.
-Self-Portrait; got an idea, still need to write it out. Got a weekend planned, Jelrik agreed to do Sound, I'll do camera, still need to book the equipment and find actors.
-Copy-cat; Still don't have a clue. I was thinking about the opening scene of 'as good as it gets', but where on earth am I going to find an appartment like that?
-The Group works; We're still not sure about the Shorty idea, Cattrysse told us to get another story idea for Scenario, so lets hope tomorrow's meeting spawns something useful.
So yes, I'm slightly annoyed at myself.
By the way, I think I'll be keeping my school ramblings on my other blog, easier to write in dutch and all.
Don't worry Joelle, I'll still be writing here, I'm actually working on getting internet on in my dorm, so that would be nice :)
kay, on to the other blog now.. | | |
| It's funny how almost nobody recognizes me today, just because my hair is tied differently for a change. I should do it more often, looks kinda nice.
I'm really doubting if I should start writing this blog in Dutch. It's my mother language, after all... but then Joelle won't be able to read, and I don't want to do that to her.
Joelle hun, learn Dutch! It's your language too, in a way, Miss Verhagen ;)
Anyway, I finally got my bike fixed, went to get new lenses, and visited grandma. Just got back from the shoestore too, I'm really happy with what I found. I definately needed new shoes, as my old pair was almost falling apart.
I was about to throw them away, but then I got the weirdest idea; why not make my self portrait about my shoes? I know it sounds stupid, but I already got a lot of ideas how to use this to point out stuff about me. Such as; I wear shoes until they really really need to be replaced (don't really like change all that much), I need to have shoes which enable me to run (don't like it when my freedom seems limited), I refuse to buy anything in fashion (stubborn, want to be myself)...
See where I'm going? Probably not, but that's okay. I'll write it out this weekend, ask Mark (=Teacher) wat he thinks about it.
So that's one of our assignments. Need to get the idea in before the 29th. The copycat is another one (recreate one minute of any film as detailed as possible on film without sound). I still am not sure about that one; I was thinking to use the beginning of "As good as it Gets", when he enters his appartment and goes to wash his hands, etc.
Woops, gotta go and cook, gotta run... | | |
| I completely forgot I still had this thing.
I think I'll continue writing here :) Better update my links, maybe put a picture up and everything..
Joelle hun, you still reading this? | | |
| Well, life sucks.
And then again, it doens't. Funny how everything seems to be under control one minute, and then the next I get grounded once again by my own stupidity.
Whatever happened to me anyways? I never used to be this paranoia. People could throw whatever they wanted at me, I wouldn't care.
I think it's about time I get over my bro... it's been going on for too long.
I used to have control over myself. If something went wrong with my family, I was able to keep myself standing. Now it seems that whenever something goes wrong, I end up in this whirlpool.
I keep dissapointing people, especially the ones that never knew me before the world turned upside down, and I know I didn't change, really, I just... lost control for a while.
I want it back though.
I want to be the person who helps people, but doesn't get in the way.
I want to be one who you can tell your problems, without feeling reluctant about bothering me with even more stuff.
I want to be someone who doesn't get on peoples nerves. Someone who you can call to have a good time with. Someone...
I want to be who I was again. And I know I am, but that's not enough. I want to stay who I am, without those periodical fallbacks just because something decides to go wrong and I don't know how to cope with it.
I don't want to be trouble.
I don't know what happened. I don't know why I seem blind to stuff all of a sudden. Why I don't see what I should see.
Why certain people have gotten an image of me that I can't seem to correct.
I want my life back. | | |
| It's funny... in a way...
So much goes wrong, and yet, it all seems to slide right off me. I'm worried sick about my mom now, yes, and my sister's problems, I'm worried about my dad's operation and all that, but still..
It's almost as if I built a shield around me, as to protect me from certain things. Not that I don't feel anymore, but I have this sense of not letting anything... ruin this year for me. Nothing may derail me. Nothing.
I have to pass. No matter what.
Sorry if that sounds egoistical. I do still care, you all know that, but since there's nothing I can do to make it all allright again, there's no sense in beating myself up over it. | | |
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